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Six Years Without Mum

It's been a bit of a scary week really as both Monday and Tuesday I ended up crying myself to sleep in the evening. I haven't done that in a long time and it's taken me by surprise. Where does all the water come from!? Wednesday I woke up early crying again and realized that I wasn't going to make it into school. I feel bad for not going in, but I wouldn't have been up to much if I did. I feel bad too because I made it in to school on this day last year and I don't want to feel like I'm getting worse or anything. I think it's just because I have a lot going on anyway at the moment. Also I'm at a stage in life where I'm really missing having some motherly guidance that I need. I still wish we'd been able to experience a change in our relationship from a parent/child to a more friend mother/friend daughter one. I miss all the would have beens more than I have done before too. Though having said all that, none of the above is really anything new I suppose.

As I'm trying to break the habit of dealing with everything alone and shutting everyone out, I made use of the ridiculously early hour by calling family and friends back home. It was really good to talk with everyone, though it was a little funny talking with my sister as it wasn't the day of the anniversary for her yet, still being Tuesday night in the UK.

Later in the day I did a lot of lazing around. I took a walk in a local park that I've never been in before. It was a really nice and warm sunny day which helped cheer my spirits.


^A turtle enjoying the sun.




^ Reflection of trees in the water.

In the evening when the time differences worked out again, I made some more calls home and then it was time for bed. Another day over. Another year gone by. Another anniversary. Everything goes so fast doesn't it?

x

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